While thinking about trials this morning, I read the following verses from James:
James 1:2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
James 1:3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
James 1:4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
We're told to "count it all joy" when we go through trials. I don't know about you, but I have to admit I have been anything but joyful while going through these trials. It hit me hard this morning that my less than joyful attitude is sin. It shows a lack of trust in the Lord, a lack of trust that He knows what He is doing, and of what He wants to accomplish in my life. I'm sure I've been aware before this that my less than joyful attitude was sin, but it seemed to just scream out at me this morning. What pride to think that I'm wiser than my Father in Heaven. I had to repent of that attitude.
Tonight, while thinking about it some more, I thought of my granddaughter. As my children did before her when they were babies, she too fights sleep. She fights something that is good for her, something that is best for her, something that she needs. Yet she fights it. Like my granddaughter, and like my children did when they were babies, I fight. I fight against the trials, I fight against them because I don't want these trials. I want my own way. I think I know what's best for me. A little while ago I was reminded of a Rich Mullins song called Hold Me Jesus, except in my case, it's something I, at least in my own mind, think I want.
Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small
CHORUS:
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart
CHORUS
Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin
CHORUS
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