Streams in the Desert - July 30, 2007

I came across the devotional from Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles Cowman this evening. Though I was rebuked while reading it, it was a reminder to me that I need to get out of myself. I do have cards I could send to those who are hurting, letters to write to my mother in law, and to the only aunt I have left, who has been a widow since 1969. I have an elderly widow who lives next door to me too.

Here is what I copied from the Back to the Bible site, and I hope it is helpful to someone else:

A cup of cold water only (Matt. 10:42).

What am I to do? I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good work, therefore, any kindness, or any service I can render to any soul of man or animal let me do it now. Let me not neglect or defer it, for I shall not pass this way again. --An Old Quaker Saying

It isn't the thing you do, dear,
It's the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you the bitter heartache
At the setting of the sun;
The tender word unspoken,
The letter you did not write,
The flower you might have sent, dear,
Are your haunting ghosts at night.

The stone you might have lifted
Out of your brother's way,
The bit of heartsome counsel
You were hurried too much to say;
The loving touch of the hand, dear,
The gentle and winsome tone,
That you had no time or thought for,
With troubles enough of your own.

These little acts of kindness,
So easily out of mind,
These chances to be angels,
Which even mortals find
They come in night and silence,
Each chill reproachful wraith,
When hope is faint and flagging,
And a blight has dropped on faith.

For life is all too short, dear.
And sorrow is all too great,
To suffer our slow compassion
That tarries until too late.
And it's not the thing you do, dear,
It's the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you the bitter heartache,
At the setting of the sun.
--Adelaide Proctor

Give what you have; to someone it may be better than you dare to think. --Longfellow

I do know that God is sovereign, and I have never lost sight of that. It's just that I've been struggling with these certain things, and I have to trust God through it all. I will come out of this stressful time, and work through these things that are confusing to me.

Ladies, Your Thoughts Please

I've been struggling with some things for the past few weeks, along with not feeling very well, and that is why I haven't posted lately.

I'm still studying, and pondering about biblical manhood, biblical womanhood, and our roles as wives, mothers, and homemakers. During the course of this study, I came across a review of the book, Created to be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl. I read this book about four years ago, and loaned it to someone and never got it back. The quote below, which is found on page 260, has been bothering me since I read the review. This is one of those kinds of books that you either love it, or you hate it. I've read different blogs online, both pros and cons, about the book. There are some very good blogs out there regarding this book. Read the below for me, and let me know what your thoughts are on it.

"You can freely call your husband "lord" when you know that you are addressing the one who put him in charge and asked you to suffer at your husbands hands just as the Lord suffered at the hands of unjust authorities."

"The chain of authority must never be broken, even if it means allowing some abuse."

"first know that a husband has authority to tell his wife what to wear, where to go, whom to talk to, how to spend her time, when to speak or not to, even if he is unreasonable and insensitive."

These three quotes were in the same paragraph (I saw a copy of it at a Lifeway store here), but I think there may have been some other words between those three sentences above. So I am not sure what came after the second sentence about the abuse.

All three of the statements bother me, but the last one is the one I've been thinking about lately, and they disturb me.

I know that the husband is to be a servant/leader and the above just doesn't sit well with me. I do understand that we are to submit to our husbands unless they ask us to sin.

There are different viewpoints out there on submission which conflict one another. I am a complementarian, which suggests equality and beneficial differences between men and women. Although I do like Martha Peace, and her book, The Excellent Wife, I disagree with her view that it's okay to rebuke and correct our husbands. Here is a good article by Wayne Grudem that I found on mutual submission, and I held to this same viewpoint before I read his article.

I'm planning to discuss this with my pastor. I know that I've got unbiblical thinking somewhere in my thought process, and it's causing me undue stress because I'm not sure if what I believe is biblically correct on something. I don't mean that I am doubting my position as a complementarian, I'm not. I'm just confused as to the extent of a husband's rule over his wife I guess.

Anybody else have any thoughts about this?

5 Random Questions Meme

Baxter kindly tagged me for a meme, and here are the questions, and my answers:

1. What is your most cherished memory as a child?

Hopefully a 15 yr. old is still considered a child, :). I have two older brothers, and my oldest brother was married. They always spent Christmas Eve with us, and stayed the night. A couple of weeks before Christmas, my mother put four boxes, all the same size, with my brothers, sister in law, and my name on them. I could not figure out what in the world she had gotten all four of us that was the same. I mean, what can you get that is generic, for both men and women? The suspense was killing me. Finally Christmas Day came and we all had to open our boxes at the same time. She had bought all four of us Beach Boys tickets. It was the first Beach Boys concert I had ever attended, and she had gotten us the best seats with the best view. I've been a Beach Boys fan ever since. It was so special to me because she had to go to the Sports Arena in San Diego to get the tickets, and she didn't like to drive.

2. What is the most interesting thing you have ever done?

I did volunteer work with our local Sheriff's Department for about a year and worked in Victim's Assistance. It was something I really enjoyed, but had to stop doing when I had my daughter. It would be something I'd jump at the chance to do again if I had the opportunity.

3. If you could have or do one seemingly impossible thing, what would it be?

I would move back to San Diego, CA in a heartbeat. We moved from there in December, 1978 when my brother couldn't find a teaching job in CA. My mother was very upset because he and his wife had a two year old son, my parents only grandchild at the time, and she didn't want them moving so far away. So, we all quit our jobs and moved to the East Coast, somewhere in the Southeast. I haven't been back there since we moved, and unless our ship comes in, I'll never even get back there to even visit.

4. What is the most meaningful gift you have ever received?

The most meaningful gift I ever received was the book Scarlett by my son. I broke my wrist on Thanksgiving in 1991, and was in alot of pain. I was a word processor at the time and couldn't work for awhile. So, Garrett bought me the book Scarlett for Christmas, and when I broke my wrist he told me he was giving it to me earlier so that I would have something to do while I was at home. I thought he was so thoughtful, and he was only 13 years old at the time. What made this more special to me is that technically he is my stepson, and it meant alot to me.

5. What is the most difficult thing you have ever had to do?

By far the most difficult thing I have ever had to do was to leave my newborn baby behind in the hospital five days after I delivered her. She was premature and had to spend three weeks in the NICU.

I'm not sure who to tag.

Blogger Reflection Award Nominations

Jen at JoythruChrist has honoured me with a Blogger Reflection Award. This is an honor, and an encouragement to know that I am blessing another person with what I write.

The reason for the title is because this award should make you reflect on five bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and have been a Godly example to you. Five Bloggers who when you reflect on them you get a sense of pride and joy... of knowing them and being blessed by them.

Kim at The Upward Call - Kim's blog was the first one that I ever read. I don't even remember how I got there. Her blog is the first one I read, and pretty much read it on a daily basis, except Sundays. She posts so many things that cause me to think, and that I learn from. I also enjoy reading about her beagle, I've gotten quite a few laughs from those stories.

Lisa at Deo Volente - I found her blog through Kim's. Her blog is another one that I read regularly. She has a heart for the Lord, and such a passion for the truth. She has always been such an encouragement to me.

Christa at Blakey Blog - Christa is a young woman, and has alot of profound things to say. She is a wonderful example of a godly young woman. I especially like her book reviews.

Lydia, and the others at the Purple Cellar - I like this blog which posts on a variety of biblical topics, because the posts are always where the rubber meets the road. Although many times I am convicted when reading them.

BKeen - This online friend of mine doesn't have a blog, but I could not go without mentioning her. I have learned so much from her, and she has been such an encouragement to me. She doesn't shy away from telling it like it is when I ask for her advice. She always brings me back to the Scriptures. Now if I could only get her to like the *real* cheese (that would be Velveeta). She always sends such good emails too, ones that literally make you laugh out loud.

I know Jen nominated me, but I have to include her as well. Her blog is another one that I read on a (usually) daily basis. She has a good sense of humor, and I especially enjoy her posts about the book by D. Martin Lloyd-Jones.

I don't really know who else to tag because it looks like those I would have tagged have already been tagged. Thank you Jen for nominating me.

Random thoughts on men/women/worth - LONG

One of the reasons for taking this summer to study biblical manhood and womanhood, and the roles of a husband and wife in marriage is due to my past. I feel that I need to find out all that God has to say on the topic, and then change my way of thinking to conform with the truths of Scripture. I've got quite a ways to go. I need to give you some background before I go any further because it will help you understand some of what I'm going to write about.

I was married before when I was in my early 20's and one thing that has always been in the back of mind was something that my ex husband told me about 23 years ago. He told me that Adam named Eve that because she was evil. He may have been joking, I don't know, but his view of women during those years was that we were inferior to males. His view came from a particular sin he had in his life that was demeaning to women, and one that doesn't see women as persons, but objects instead. He apologized to me a few years ago for how he treated me in the past, and took the blame for my feelings of inferiority, and said I felt that way because of how he treated me. My view of myself was based on how he treated me, rather than who I was in Christ. When we were together I was not saved, so I didn't have the truth to know truth from error about it.

In addition to the above, I read a book on marriage a few years ago that caused much damage to me emotionally. This was before I became reformed, and before I had ever heard of Nouthetic Counseling. It reinforced those feelings of inferiority that I had, and did nothing but make me feel condemned. I read it during a time when everything seemed to be falling apart around me.

I mention the book only because a quote from it came to my mind while I was reading Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood this morning. I'm reading chapter two, and this morning the section I was reading was talking about a husband's role, and how it's a leadership/servanthood role. Here was the question that was asked, it's question number 14 on page 59, and the answer given which caused me to think of the book I mentioned above:

QUESTION:

14. If the husband is to treat his wife as Christ does the church, does that mean he
should govern all the details of her life and that she should clear all her actions with him?

ANSWER:

No. We may not press the analogy between Christ and the husband that far. Unlike Christ, all husbands sin. They are finite and fallible in their wisdom. Not only that, but also, unlike Christ, a husband is not preparing a bride merely for himself, but also for another, namely, Christ. He does not merely act as Christ, he also acts for Christ. At this point he must not be Christ to his wife, lest he be a traitor to Christ. He must lead in such a way that his wife is encouraged to depend on Christ and not on himself. Practically, that rules out belittling supervision and fastidious oversight. Even when acting as Christ, the husband must remember that Christ does not lead the church as His daughter, but as His wife. He is preparing her to be a “fellow-heir,” not a servant girl (Romans 8:17). Any kind of leadership that, in the name of Christlike headship, tends to foster in a wife personal immaturity or spiritual weakness or insecurity through excessive control, picky supervision, or oppressive domination has missed the
point of the analogy in Ephesians 5. Christ does not create that kind of wife.

By reading Martha Peace's book, The Excellent Wife I now understand that a marriage represents Christ and the Church. I am now beginning to understand even more that the husband's role is one of leadership/servanthood. It helped to clear that up for me, as I did have many questions because of people who hold the below view. This is a quote from the book I mentioned above. When I am able to verify the page number that this quote is found on, and that it actually came from that particular book, I might post the name of the book. Here is the quote:

"first know that a husband has authority to tell his wife what to wear, where to go, whom to talk to, how to spend her time, when to speak or not to, even if he is unreasonable and insensitive."

That quote bothers me, and now I know why. It bothers me because it treats the wife as though she is a child, even worse because at least an older child chooses what they wear within boundaries. It bothers me because there is no leadership/servanthood there but rather control and domination.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Ephesians 5:26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Ephesians 5:27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

Ephesians 5:30 because we are members of his body.

Those verses don't sound like control and domination to me.

Back to Normal/Wasting Time

I think I am finally back on track with posting now. Whew, am I glad the performances are over and we can get back to living our lives again. I have missed posting, and reading my favorite blogs. I've been off track for so long now that I'm not even sure where to begin.

During these past couple of months I've been doing a lot of thinking on how I spend my time, and how much of it I actually waste. I'm thankful my daughters were given a part in the play for several reasons. The main reason is that it has helped me rethink my priorities in the sense of causing me to reflect on what is really important. Not just important, but what is important to God. As a good friend likes to remind me "it's not about YOU," and said friend knows who she is :)

We spent five nights each week at the theater for nearly two months, which meant that we had to rush through supper, and cleaning up in order to get their at a certain time. We no longer had time to enjoy our meal at our own pace, and no time in the evenings for reading aloud. It was rush, rush, rush for five days each week.

Is how we spend our time really important to God? I believe it is important. I was listening to a CD the other day called Twenty-Four Hours is All You Get, by Susan Bradrick, which can be bought here. It reinforced to me what I believed the Lord was teaching me through the Scriptures.

Ephesians 5:15-17 says this:

Verse 15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,

Verse 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil.

Verse 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

The phrase "making the most of your time" was a tad bit convicting. Okay, well maybe not a tad bit, a better word would be alot. It is far too easy for me to waste my time on things that have no eternal value, on things that are essentially worthless. As a stay at home wife and mother, I have plenty to keep me busy. I have daughters to teach what is good, to train them on how to love their husbands, their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, and how to be submit to their husbands. I am to teach them how to do those things, how to live it out so that, and this is very heavy, the Word of God is not dishonored.

Titus 2:3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,

Titus 2:4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

Titus 2 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

If I do all that I am to do as a wife and mother, I have no time to waste on things that have no eternal value. As my favorite verse says:

2 Corinthians 5:9 So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.

One goal I have is to consistently apply that verse in my life. If my aim is to please Him at all times, am I pleasing Him when I waste my time on frivilous things? When I waste my time on the computer when I should be training my daughters, or managing my home I am not pleasing Him. I want to remember that this life is short, none of us know when He will call us home. In the time I have left to live my life, I want my life to glorify Him in all I say and do.